Tasha Cunningham – How to Fight Fair in Your Romantic Relationship

Every couple, married or not, has a spat from time to time. But how do you avoid turning those little spats into full-blown battle royales with your mate? Follow this tips for relationship tranquility:

1.  Set a time limit. Agree before the discussion starts to talk for a certain period of time ‘” 15, 20, 30 minutes or more. You can’t drag the disagreement along forever. You’ll find that it you set a limit on the amount of time you will let this disagreement into your lives, you’ll be rid of it sooner than you think. If your partner doesn’t want to discuss the problem right then and there, schedule a specific time to discuss, whether it be 24 or 48 hours or even a week later, you must face each other to discuss your issues.

2.  Stick to the disagreement at hand. It’s so tempting when you’re fighting with your partner to bring up past grievances that have nothing to do with the disagreement you’re trying to work through in the present. Don’t do it. It’s a toxic maneuver that is the equivalent on constantly re-opening an old wound. Instead, stick to the matter at hand.

3.  No third parties allowed. Keep your argument between you and your partner. Don’t ask for outside advice, unless it’s from a professional. Don’t involve your best girlfriend, your in-laws or your co-workers. That only adds fuel to the fire.

4.  No name-calling. It’s a fundamental rule of fighting fair. It’s also disrespectful and will make your partner defensive and escalate the fight.

5.  No finger-pointing. When you speak in a disagreement, be sure to use the word ‘I’ and not ‘you’. Talk about how you feel about the disagreement instead of pointing the finger at your partner and being judgmental.