Healing Heartache: How to Mend a Broken Heart

A broken heart hurts. After a break up, most of us just want to put our heads in the sand and wait until the pain passes. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. While we still have all of life’s day-to-day responsibilities, after a break up, we’ve got to tackle the difficult task of putting our lives back together and moving on. There are two great books that came out this year that deal directly with this topic in a sincere, easy-to-read way. If you’re going through a break up, check them out!

1.   Six Spiritual Steps to Mend a Broken Heart:
     Learn to Love Again by Fiona Hickman-Taylor
     (Paperback – Feb 1, 2007)
2.   How To Survive the Crisis of an Affair:
     Heal Your Broken Heart and Your Fragmented
     Soul by Wendy Allen, Ph.D (Paperback – Dec 4, 2006)

Tasha Cunningham – How to Fight Fair in Your Romantic Relationship

Every couple, married or not, has a spat from time to time. But how do you avoid turning those little spats into full-blown battle royales with your mate? Follow this tips for relationship tranquility:

1.  Set a time limit. Agree before the discussion starts to talk for a certain period of time ‘” 15, 20, 30 minutes or more. You can’t drag the disagreement along forever. You’ll find that it you set a limit on the amount of time you will let this disagreement into your lives, you’ll be rid of it sooner than you think. If your partner doesn’t want to discuss the problem right then and there, schedule a specific time to discuss, whether it be 24 or 48 hours or even a week later, you must face each other to discuss your issues.

2.  Stick to the disagreement at hand. It’s so tempting when you’re fighting with your partner to bring up past grievances that have nothing to do with the disagreement you’re trying to work through in the present. Don’t do it. It’s a toxic maneuver that is the equivalent on constantly re-opening an old wound. Instead, stick to the matter at hand.

3.  No third parties allowed. Keep your argument between you and your partner. Don’t ask for outside advice, unless it’s from a professional. Don’t involve your best girlfriend, your in-laws or your co-workers. That only adds fuel to the fire.

4.  No name-calling. It’s a fundamental rule of fighting fair. It’s also disrespectful and will make your partner defensive and escalate the fight.

5.  No finger-pointing. When you speak in a disagreement, be sure to use the word ‘I’ and not ‘you’. Talk about how you feel about the disagreement instead of pointing the finger at your partner and being judgmental.

Tasha Cunningham Miami – Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Can a man and woman really be just friends? If you take out certain factors that are part of the defining dynamics of a male-female relationship, then perhaps it can be done. For instance, if a man is not sexually attracted to a woman, but views her as a sister, it can be done. Barring that, we don’t think a man and woman can be just friends. It simply can’t be done because of factors like lust. Other factors include jealousy, anger, distrust and fear will most certainly be present between the man and woman in the relationship and will slowly destroy it.

But many experts say it can be done. “The belief that men and women can’t be friends comes from another era in which women were at home and men were in the workplace, and the only way they could get together was for romance,” explains Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., a psychologist in private practice in Valley Stream, New York in an article in Psychology Today magazine. “Now they work together and have sports interests together and socialize together.” This cultural shift is encouraging psychologists, sociologists and communications experts to put forth a new message: Though it may be tricky, men and women can successfully become close friends, according to Psychology Today.

Dating a Single Dad? Make it Work With These Tips!

You’ve met a great guy. Congrats. There’s just one thing, though. He’s got a kid and you don’t. Dating a single dad can be difficult with problems ranging from crazy exes to crazy schedules that don’t allow you to spend much time together. So how can you make it work? Here are 5 tips that can help you snag that hot single dad!

1. His kids are everything to him. That’s the most important thing a woman dating a single dad should know. You may think that single dad is cute, but if you’re not into children, he’s going to sense that and the relationship isn’t going to go anywhere. If his constant talk about his kids annoy you, it isn’t going to work. So carefully evaluate whether or not you really want to date a single man raising a child.

2. The crazy ex. It’s a rare thing to find a single dad whose ex is not nuts. If you luck up on a situation like that, go for it. Most often, though, you’ll find that your man’s ex is not the easiest person in the world to get along with. A lot of men have these situations under control because they realize if they don’t control their exes, they’ll never find happiness with another woman. But there’s always the single dad who is afraid of his ex, caters to her every whim and acts like they’re still together, making you feel like a third wheel. If you’re in such a situation, run, don’t walk your way out of it!

3. Introducing you to his kids is a process. It’s not going to happen right away, so don’t fret about it. Most single dads want to wait until they know they’re going to serious with a woman before introducing her to their kids. According to DDHG’s own Average Guy, most men wait a minimum of six months before introducing a woman to their kids. While you’re waiting to meet the kid, be sure to learn as much about he or she as you can like their favorite color, favorite ice cream, etc. so that you’ll have lots to talk about when you finally do meet the kid.

4. Sleeping over is a judgment call. Should you sleep over your man’s house before you meet his kids? And what about after you do finally meet them, is it okay then? It depends. It may not be appropriate to sleep over before you’ve met the kids. It could make for an awkward situation if the kid somehow finds you in the house. You could arrange for the kid to casually meet you out with his dad, like at the mall or in a grocery store. You could meet the child and feel each other out. Then, when you and your man tell the child about you dating, he or she will have a frame of reference to draw from because you’ve already met.

5. Showing your affection is just fine. Should you kiss your man in front of his kid? Absolutely! The child needs to see how much his dad loves you and showing your affection for each is a good way to do it. Don’t forget to hug the child and let he or she know how much they are loved.

Good luck!

Tasha Cunningham – Miami – How to Dump Your Dude the Right Way

We’ve all been there, ladies. We wake up one morning and realize the guy sleeping next to us is not the guy we want to marry or better yet, we’re really keen on cutting him lose. So how can a gal dump a dude without dredging up drama?

1. Your relationship didn’t start in cyberspace, and even if it did, don’t end it there. Don’t break up with your guy via e-mail, Blackberry, texting or using anything technology related. It’s impersonal and you’d been quite upset if he ended your love affair that way.

2. Be strong. Think long and hard about whether or not you want to break up with your man and if the answer is yes, be firm. Don’t waiver from your decision.

3. Tell him first –  after you tell your best friend, of course. Don’t let your man find out he’s been dumped by the door man at your apartment building. Tell him.

4. Secure a little face time. When you’re ready to do the deed, do it in person. There’s no way around it.

5. The truth shall set you free. Don’t give him some lame excuse like, ‘it’s not you, it’s me. That one’s clichéd. Tell him the truth about why you’re breaking up with him.

Good luck!

Tasha Cunningham – Miami – 7 Bad Marriage Habits You Need to Break Today!

Think a lasting marriage is impossible? Think again! Marriage is what you make it and you can avoid many common marriage hiccups by eliminating the bad habits from your union!

1. Newlyweds and nagging don’t mix. Stop nagging your partner to change, fix the sink or take out the trash. The more you do it, the more your partner will build up discontentment with your marriage. Choose your battles. Whether or not your partner fixes the sink should not be the catalyst for starting WWIII in your household. Instead, open the phone book and call a plumber. We ladies would love to think that are men can do anything, fix anything and be anything we want. Sadly, they’re just men and thus, aren’t perfect or very handy around the house for that matter.

2. There are no winners in the Blame Game. When you assign blame for something to your partner, you’re not helping matters. You may temporarily feel better because you’ve cast the blame away from you and on to your partner, but your partner will feel belittled and will soon grow resentful. We’re not all perfect and most of the time when a man makes a mistake, he knows it.

3. We’re not in third grade anymore, so stop being a bully. When you bully your partner or are rude and call your partner names, the damaging effect this has on your marriage will be irreparable after a while. No one likes a bully, so stop this behavior as soon as it begins to rear it’s ugly head.

4. Stonewalling sucks. Don’t be the *** who stops a productive conversation by stalling. Don’t just sit there in silence while your partner pours their heart out. You’ll come off as disinterested, not tough and your partner will feel like they don’t count in your eyes at all.

5. Good decisions are best made together. Sure, we all love our independence, but when you’re in a marriage, you’re in a partnership and the big decisions you make should be made jointly. You can’t make unilateral decisions in a partnership!

6. Silence your inner critic. Sure, we’re all tempted from time to time to criticize our partners, but don’t do it. Criticizing your partner only demeans and makes a dent in their self-esteem. Instead, simply suggest, don’t criticize. Suggest kindly to your partner another way of doing things that might be more efficient, etc. That way, you’re not seen as being a critical know-it-all.

7. Focus on your marriage. And eliminate the distractions. It’s easy to use work, school, kids and whatever else you’d like to throw in there as an excuse not to focus on your marriage. – Tasha Cunningham – Miami

Tasha Cunningham – Miami – 5 Secrets That Will Get Your Guy to Open Up

Can you count the number of sentences exchanged between you and your man each day? That’s not good. Your communication should be much better than that, but sometimes, it’s hard to get guys to open up. Whether it’s his male ego or he’s just a pensive dude, we know it can be hard to dialogue with a cutie who can’t communicate. Here’s what you can do!

1. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. Is your man interested in football, art or fitness? Then you need to get interested in those things as well. Try this. Figure out what’s going on with your man’s favorite NFL team. Are they doing well? Does the team suck? Find out and bring it up the next time you’re with your man. Watch how quickly you get your man’s attention. Even better, the next time his favorite team is playing, surprise him with tickets or make it a date at home with popcorn and beer and watch the game on the tube.

2. Ask questions with care. Sometimes with a guy, it’s all about how you phrase the question. Hitting him with questions like, how do you feel about our relationship, or how can we achieve more intimacy with each other, are not going to make him exactly loose-lipped. Instead try, honey, is everything okay? That is a more general question and doesn’t have the word ‘relationship’ in it. That word often causes an unexplained communication breakdown in men. Shortly after you utter the word, they shut down and nothing else you say will get through to him.

3. Don’t judge him. Men hate sharing something with their woman, only to be judged for it. Phrases like, that’s not so bad, honey and I’ve done worse, make your man feel at ease and comfortable to share more with you.

4. Reveal yourself as well ‘” the good, the bad and the ugly. Mutual disclosure is a key to communication.

5. Let go of past grievances. True communication means being able to be present in the moment. A lot of people in relationships tend to hold on to something a partner did or said at a particular moment in the past. But remember, just because your man said something that was true for him a year ago, doesn’t mean it’s true for him now. And the same goes for you. He might be holding on to something you’ve said and isn’t letting it go. That’s going to lead to communication problems.

Tasha Cunningham – How to Meet a Great Guy in 10 Days

It’s really tough out there in today’s dating world. Players, liars and cheaters lurk around every corner, right? There is hope. Great guys are everywhere. You’ve just got to be gutsy enough to try! Here are five things you can do in the next 10 days to find a great guy!

1. Send a Message. Let all of your friends know that you’re back on the market and looking for love. Send e-mails to your co-workers asking them to keep you in mind the next time they come across a cute, single guy.

2. Practice Your Poise. Men are visual creatures, so the eyes are very important. Practice a seductive glance that will get you noticed by that Adonus in the department store! And don’t forget to practice the all-important “come hither look”. Guys love it!

3. Take a Gym Class. This is crucial. Guys congregate at the gym. At least all the cute ones with nice bodies anyway. So get your butt in gear and picture yourself sweating along side that hottie.

4. Go to a Bar on an Off Night. Skip the weekend chaos and hit your favorite pub on a Tuesday. Who knows what cuties you’ll find. If you do find one, be bold and send him a drink across the bar. He’ll be intrigued by how forward you are!

5. Create Your Own Destiny. Practice this one, too. “Accidentally” bump into that sexy guy you’ve had your eye on at the mall, gym, grocery store or wherever you happen to spot him! That will definitely get a conversation going between and Mr. Hot! — http://www.DontDateHimGirl.com

Tasha Cunningham – Stop Falling For the Wrong Guys Right Now

We’ve all got habits, some good and some bad. We women tend to repeat bad dating habits more often than we’d like. We date the gorgeous bad boy, instead of swooning over the quirky nerd who we know isn’t going to break our hearts. Or we go for the guy we think we can ‘fix’ instead of devoting our attention to the guy who’s already been repaired. The key to finding a good relationship is to recognize what your bad habits are and quickly breaking them.

1. Look yourself in the eye and take a brutal, honest assessment of your dating relationships. Write down the names of your last five significant others. Write down five reasons why the relationship ended with each guy. Take a look at what you’ve written and you’ll soon see your pattern emerging.

2. When you think about dating that hottie from your office, make a commitment to yourself first. Commit to dating with your eyes wide-open. You owe it to yourself to be selective about the guys you spend your time with. If you decide on a first date with a guy, ask him tough questions that will help make the decision to have a second date. What does he do for a living? What does he value in life? What are his goals and ambitions? Is he financially stable and independent? And when he gives you the answers, don’t overlook them. Don’t make excuses for him and his answers because he looks like Brad Pitt. Instead, listen to what he’s saying and govern yourself accordingly.

3. Agree to get a second opinion. Enlist the help of your closest girlfriends, whom you trust, to provide an independent third-party opinion of your potential paramour. Be prepared to hear their brutally honest criticism and advice.

Tasha Cunningham – 3 Things Your Guy Won’t Tell You…But You Need to Know

We’d all love to get inside our guy’s head to find out what he’s thinking. Not just what he tells us he’s pondering, but what the thoughts that are REALLY running through his mind when it comes to love, sex and dating.

1. Men are just as insecure as women. Hard to believe, given the macho bravado many men try to give off, but it’s true. Men wonder how they look, if they’ve shaved or waxed or if they’re making a good impression on you, just like women do.

2. Men want love. Really, they do. They just don’t know how to find it and keep it. In addition, most men are scared of that loving feeling. They don’t want to be totally vulnerable. It’s against their manhood, so they don’t want to put themselves totally out there without a shiny coat of tough, emotional armor to protect them in case you reject them.

3. Men want monogamy. They like the theory of being with one woman, in love for the rest of their lives, but their biology tells them another story. Since the dawn of time, men have been taught to sow their seeds with as many women as possible in the name of procreation. Although times have changed and monogamy is the norm, some guys just haven’t caught up from the caveman days! — Tasha Cunningham